A new article profiling Australian actress Margot Robbie is a painful account of one journalist's inability to stop drooling over his notepad.
In a phrase, the piece is vomit-inducing.
Vanity Fair writer, Rich Cohen, could barely disguise his lust for the 26-year-old actress, whom in one sentence he describes as a "second-semester freshman".
Creepy (and totally nonsensical). But not the worst part of the article by a long shot.
The first paragraph reads as follows:
"America is so far gone, we have to go to Australia to find a girl next door. In case you’ve missed it, her name is Margot Robbie. She is 26 and beautiful, not in that otherworldly, catwalk way but in a minor knock-around key, a blue mood, a slow dance. She is blonde but dark at the roots. She is tall but only with the help of certain shoes. She can be sexy and composed even while naked but only in character."
WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!
Still, it continues to gets worse.
The final lines of the piece were about Margot's experience with sex scenes:
"'Were you worried you were not going to be able to do it?'
'There isn’t an option. It’s just like, This is what you need to do—get on with it. The sooner you do it, the sooner you can stop doing it.'
'It just seems very awkward.'
'It’s so awkward.'
We sat for a moment in silence. She was thinking of something; I was thinking of something else."
EW! Dude, just ew. You, Rich Cohen, are what we in Australia would call a "dirty perv".
Not only is the piece a total wank-fest, it's largely uninteresting. Case in point: the writer actually describes the precise geography of the Gold Coast. (In case you were wondering, it's "Four thousand miles to Tokyo. Ten thousand miles to London. Seven thousand miles to Los Angeles." Riveting!)
It's safe to say, no one was impressed by the article.
"Margot Robbie is from Australia. They're in a different time zone there. Also, she's blonde and I have a boner." - Rich Cohen, Vanity Fair— Alanna (@alannallama) July 6, 2016
thanks @VanityFair for letting America's Greasiest Creepy Uncle profile Margot Robbie. it was illuminating if not for the reason you planned— Patrick Cosmos (@veryimportant) July 6, 2016
"She wandered through the room like a second-semester freshman, "— roxane gay (@rgay) July 6, 2016
I mean… she's a 26 year old movie star. The only freshmen is the guy with his dick in his hand, aka Rich Cohen.— roxane gay (@rgay) July 6, 2016
Every issue of Vanity Fair this month comes with a thin sheen of Rich Cohen's semen holding the pagies of Margot Robbie's profile together.— roxane gay (@rgay) July 6, 2016
Many bigger outrages today, but man, that Vanity Fair Margot Robbie profile is trash. Every single bad, male profile-writing cliche.— Josephine Tovey (@Jo_Tovey) July 6, 2016