There’s a really sad scene in The Break-Up where Jennifer Aniston’s character realises she wants to get back together with Gary (played by Vince Vaughn), only to come home and find him partying with strippers. They look at each and all hopes of reconciliation suddenly disappear – things are so far-gone they both know they’ll never find their way back. It’s over.
But in the absence of a movie set or a room full of strippers, how do you know when the end really is the end? How do you answer the one question that’s been known to throw women (and possibly one or two men somewhere out there) into near-hysterical states of despair and confusion: can you really go back to an ex? Some say you can and it’s better the next time around, others, well…lets just say they’re now funding the second renovation on their therapists house.
Try as you might to get everyone from your best friend to the guy who sells you your newspaper every morning to solve your dilemma, the only people who can make the decision are you and your partner.
So how exactly do you go about doing that? Relationship expert, Helen Avaient (www.helenavaient.com), says a good way to work out how you feel is to ask yourself the following questions:
:: Why did we break up?
:: Why should we reconcile?
:: Why will it be better this time around?
:: Have we changed?
:: Have we both learnt from our mistakes?
:: Is it worth the possible heartache?
:: Do I love him or just miss him?
:: Can my needs be met by someone else?
:: Has he hurt me?
:: Can I forgive them?
Write down the answers to these questions, put them aside and then re-evaluate them when you’re feeling clear-minded and confident. When you wake up in the morning is a good time, when you’re home alone watching a heart-wrenching episode of Greys Anatomy is not.
Whatever your decision, it’s important to move forward with conviction and a positive outlook – there’s no point in getting back together if there’s resentment based on past transgressions. And remember, sometimes it takes a second chance to make you realise how much you really love someone, and sometimes it makes it clear you’re just not meant to be and allows you to finally move on.
Second time lucky – celebs that made it second time around:
Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony
Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey
Pink and Carey Hart
Kate Middleton and Prince William
Reverse regret – celebs that should have just kept walking:
Sienna Miller and Jude Law
Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson
Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling
Amy Winehouse and Blake Fielder-Civil