Relationship Expert Reveals the Truth About 4 Common Sex Myths

We called on 'sexpert' Dr Nikki Goldstein to demystify four myths surrounding sex that may be holding you back.

There is an information overload when it comes to sex but Relationship Expert and Sexologist, Dr Nikki Goldstein, explains it all should be taken with a  grain of salt - and a dash of independent thinking.

"There is often no such thing as ‘normal' when it comes to thoughts about sex, as we are all different," Dr Nikki points out. But rather than dismiss something you don't agree with, Dr Nikki believes your sexual thoughts should motivate you to look for answers you are comfortable with, and possibly open your eyes to a more modern approach to sex along the way.

So what is your sexual truth? We put a few old-fashioned myths to the test!

Myth 1: Men are more likely to instigate sex

Truth:

This might have been true in the 1950s thanks to the expectation that women should be more pure and submissive, but as female sexual empowerment comes into play, more women are feeling comfortable acting on their sexual urges, Dr Nikki says. "Women are just as sexual as men. However, there still might be more permission for men to be open and forward with that sexuality. The more we challenge these backward ideas, the more we overcome them," Dr Nikki encourages.

Myth 2: Sex is best in the dark

Truth:

A dose of old-fashioned modesty may come into play with the making of this myth. "But why worry about modesty at a time like when you are having sex?" Dr Nikki asks. "Sex in the dark can be just as great as sex with the lights on, but there is no correct or incorrect answer to this one. It comes down to what you prefer."

Myth 3: There is an 'average' amount of sex you should be having as a married couple

Truth: 

We, as a society, are obsessed with feeling normal - and this myth very much feeds into that. "People are often worried they are either having too much sex or not having enough, [and] looking to others for an 'average' often makes them feel better," Dr Nikki says. What's more, is that the amount of sex you are having, isn't always indicative of a successful or failing relationship. "Instead of focusing on what other people are doing and what the so-called 'average' is, focus on what works for you and your partner according to your lifestyle and needs."

Myth 4: Sex has to be mind-blowing every time

Truth: 

The problem with this myth is that the definition of 'mind-blowing' is different for everyone, says Dr Nikki. "'Mind blowing' sex can be time-consuming and exhausting and the average couple these days is struggling for time and energy," she explains. "Sex in a relationship should not only be about pleasure but also about enjoying each other's company, connecting and being intimate." We should be looking at the positive feelings after sex, as well as those during, she says.

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