Sexual secrets? Skeletons in the closet? Find out more about the people featured in our exclusive documentary Australians Exposed – Sex, Lies & Double Lives.
LYNDAL AND ANDREW
Eighteen years ago, when her first child was a mere few weeks old, Lyndal became convinced Andrew was having an affair with one of her girlfriends. She confronted him, and he confessed it was true he’d been having sex, but not with her girlfriend, with men. In fact Andrew started ‘experimenting’ with men from a young age, but he had up until now always kept that secret. But Andrew reassured Lyndal “It’s just sex, you are the one I love and I don’t want to lose my family!”
Lyndal already had low self-esteem. Now she had to face the fact she didn’t even have the vital equipment to please her husband. ”I was hurt, angry, jealous and feeling totally rejected and unloved, wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into. This wasn’t what I had signed up for when I said I do or held my beautiful baby boy in my arms only a few short weeks before. What was my idiotic husband doing? Actually don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.”
For the next few years Lyndal continued to rant at her husband and he continued to tell her he loved her, and that he didn’t want to leave. Lyndal went through hell. Finally she started to ask Andrew to tell her everything, when he finally did she started to investigate her own sexuality. She rang an adult shop designed for women and volunteered to work free, reasoning that time with adult toys and literature would help her discover her own sexuality.
It’s taken the couple a long time to integrate Andrew’s sexuality into their marriage, but they’ve managed it. Through conversation and experimentation, they’ve managed to build a healthy sex life and a solid marriage that celebrates rather than hides their sexuality.
Andrew no longer sleeps with men, though he doesn’t rule it out doing it again in the future.
A few years ago, Lyndal started blogging about her experience and is soon to release a book. She has a new life, and feels “more in love than ever” with her husband.
EVA AND STEVE
Eva (not her real name) runs an escort service for women.
It started a couple of years ago, when, in her 30s and a single mum, recently divorced Eva wanted sex and some intimacy. She didn’t want the complications, but she did want the sex. So, after much soul-searching, and then much actual searching, she found a male escort — Steve (not his real name). As soon as she met him, she knew she’d done the right thing. He was lovely, and they had a wonderful, commitment-free night together. Which made Eva think; there must be other women in similar situations.
Eva and a friend set up a company with Steve as the first escort on their books. The business now has six men. It’s important to note that it’s not just about sex — about 40 per cent of clients just want male company.
JULIE AND DAVID
Julie and David are an articulate, thoughtful, charming and happily engaged couple. Walk past them on the street or happily lunching at a café and you simply assume they were like any other suburban couple. But these two also have a secret – though theirs is not entirely a closely guarded secret.
Julie & David are swingers, who hold regular parties at their house for like-minded couples and single women. They actually met at a swingers party, she and David’s eyes met and the rest was history. As far as they’re concerned, they have an alternative but perfectly acceptable lifestyle.
Ever wondered what it's really like to be a swinger?Read our exclusive interview with Julie now!
PROFESSOR JAYASHRI KULKARNI
Professor Jayashri Kulkarni founded and directs a large psychiatric research group, the Monash Alfred Psychiatry Research Centre (MAPrc), which covers 10 different research streams. The aim of the research centre, encapsulated in its catchphrase “We Mend Minds”, is to develop new treatments, new understanding and new service deliveries for people with mental illness.
As a practising psychiatrist, Professor Kulkarni has seen a vast array of sexual secrets. She sheds light on what leads people to hide behind “normality”, and why shame plays such a large part in secrecy.