Dating Do's: Start the journey with an open mind
Okay ladies - listen up!
We all know Carrie Bradshaw loved to rant about her relationship woes with her beloved gay bestie Stanford - and that he provided her with essential insight into the male mind.
Professional matchmakers Andrea and Vinko run a dating agency exclusively for gay men to help them find long-term relationships.They also provide the kind of universal and priceless advise every single girl lacking a gay best friend needs!
LifeStyle YOU caught up with the boys and picked their brains.
What are your top tips for single women when it comes to finding true love?
* Firstly start the journey with an open mind and be prepared to experience new things.
* Approach the process of dating with honesty, not only with the person you are dating but with yourself – leave your past relationships at the door, excess baggage gets heavy!
* Forget your fears, when in doubt laugh and stay positive. It will keep your head clear and it’s a very attractive quality for a man, positive attracts positive and you want to find someone who enhances your life not hinders it. Together you will be a formidable duo.
* Dressing for dating can be a challenge as you get caught up in the pressure of the first impression. To strike the balance between sexy, elegant and stylish, simplicity is the key. So don’t over think things keep in mind when it comes to personal style the famous Coco Chanel saying: “Before you leave the house, look in the mirror and take one thing off.”
Any specific tips for women over 35? Is it okay for women to be upfront early on when dating about wanting marriage and babies?
* This is an amazing time in your life so make the most of it. You understand who you are and what you want out of life and are comfortable in your own skin. The quiet confidence that comes from knowing yourself is a seductive quality to a man.
* If marriage and children are important to you it is important to be open. It is not necessarily a conversation opener for the first date, but if, during the course of the date, you are connecting on many levels and your beliefs are similar then trust your instincts.
* Timing is key, pick your moment to bring it up in conversation and leave it open for him to elaborate on. Most men will only respect you for your honesty and if he doesn’t then perhaps you are on a different page, but better to know this sooner rather than later.
* It isn’t just women looking for the dream of a white picket fence and a family, we all want to share our lives with someone special.
What do you think about online dating? What are the secrets to doing it successfully?
I am not a huge fan of online dating, I prefer the old fashioned way of dating but I understand that the demands of work and life have made it a solution for the time poor.
The only way to be successful is to give it 350% and allocate quite a bit of time to the process. Sometimes the inundation of enquiries can make it a full time job and although it is great to be optimistic, you need to be a realist and know that what you are presented with online can be quite a different story in real life. So be strategic when selecting from your possible suitors, keep your first dates to a coffee or suggest a phone call to find that first level of connection and perhaps avoid first date disappointment.
Do women really have to ‘treat em mean to keep em keen’? How important is it in the early stages of dating and a relationship?
I disagree with this, I think it’s important to be yourself when dating – a little bit of mystery is always good, but you could be sending very mixed signals if you genuinely like them.
You can turn the game of seduction on its head by taking a different tact. Cook them a great meal spiced with engaging conversation. Most men want a woman that is interested in them, willing to indulge their hopes and dreams as well as their stomach….Some cheeky humour and a little fun and the seduction is complete.
Can we ever change a guy who is commitment-phobic?
Absolutely, this is a guy who hasn’t met the right woman! But if you are the one on the receiving end of a cold shoulder when it comes to commitment perhaps it is time to heed the warning signs and move on. Look at it another way, perhaps he is not the right man to commit to.
Tell us about your professional match-making business for gay men? Any great success stories to warm our hearts?
The service we provide is a very personalized one. We don’t use a computer to give us compatible candidates; we meet with our clients regularly in date scenarios. We get to know them and build a level of friendship that takes the experience away from an impersonal introduction and elevates to it to a friend recommending they meet another friend.
We sift through clients aspirations, wants and needs and only introduce them to people that complement them, old-fashioned matchmaking at its best. We also find that our pre-date preparations with clients increase the success level through gained confidence as they practice their dating skills on us.
Not limited to matchmaking we guide them through the initial stages of their new relationships and give them tips and suggestions for dates and act as a sounding board for their journey.
We have over thirty couples dating and due to the personalized nature of the service we find clients make more effort to get to know one another because they trust the process we have gone through to in order to select their match and not judge each other on face value, a common hurdle for anyone dating.
One couple we introduced began on a very positive note when they both arrived to their first date with a single flower. The thoughtfulness of the simple gesture soon saw the next date follow only two days later, a mix of dinner and drinks and a kiss in the moonlight. Only a week later they flew interstate for an extended weekend and are still together now.
Find out more about Beau Brummel Introductions