And she believes we should look back objectively, without anger and blame.
Like one third of Australians who marry today, New York state-based McWade is familiar with the pain of divorce.
In 1993, while in her forties, she found herself navigating its murky waters with four teenage children in tow.
"It was an extremely challenging time," she tells AAP. "I found that if I thought about what would happen two weeks from now, it just became overwhelming so I tried to do the best I could in that day and generally that kept me pretty sane.
"But I also had support, I belonged to a group, had a psychotherapist and had a group of friends who stuck by me and that definitely helped."
Through her own experience, McWade discovered the importance of group therapy, but was disappointed by what little help was available in that way.
Having been a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, she was inspired by the 12 steps the program use to help addicts move on with their lives. So she decided to start up her own group and use an adapted version of the 12 steps to help people get over relationship break-ups.
She has now published the steps in a divorce navigational tool called Getting Up, Getting Over, Getting On: A Twelve Step Guide to Divorce Recovery.
Full of positive advice and inspiring slogans, the book describes divorce as an opportunity for self-improvement - as long as the hard yards of self-analysis are put in.
"Going through a divorce is like being an egg and being cracked open and everything falls apart. But you have an opportunity then to see across in a much broader way than you would have done had your life stayed the same," she says.
Analysing yourself is a bit like doing a retail inventory, says McWade, who is now remarried.
"If you owned a store, you would look at the things that are selling really, really well, order more of those, look at the things that weren't selling that you didn't like (and) get rid of them. That's what the steps are about, really - taking an inventory of yourself."
Some people might say `I like the fact that I'm smart, I'm good with people, but I don't like the fact that I'm impatient, I drive too fast and I shout at my kids', she says.
"It gives you an opportunity to adjust your personality somewhat based on what you're seeing."
But this is no fast process, she adds.
McWade, who was married to her previous husband for 26 years, has a theory that for every five years of marriage, it takes one year to get over it.
"That was pretty true for me. It doesn't mean that people are miserable the whole time but it takes a lot of time to work through this and to transition."
McWade recommends people spend at least 15 minutes to half an hour in daily self-reflection. She also recommends they seek out self-help literature that they find encouraging and supportive, and think about how they could apply it to their lives.
A lot of people - whether going through a divorce or not - just don't have good instruction, she says.
"For myself I really wanted to change the way I thought. I really wanted a healthier insight into myself and my kids, what sort of work I wanted to do.
"As things changed I wanted to have different ways of thinking rather than relying on my own habitual thinking because I saw where that got me."
But she warns against focusing too heavily on the past, suggesting "it's ok to look back but don't stare".
This is tough advice in the early days of divorce, when many people are full of anger and blame.
But it helps to remember that it takes two to tango and to focus on your part in what went wrong, she suggests.
"Even for people who are married to an addict or a person with problems, you have to ask yourself, `what did I do to perpetuate the problem, what attracted me to that person, why did I stay with that person when I saw that there were red flags?'"
Group therapy - and perhaps a good therapist - is crucial to this process, she says.
"It is very deep work (because) you always discover things you hadn't thought about, which make you think deeper and harder about what happened."
And a group means you are less likely to offload on your own children - which should be avoided at all costs, she says.
"One of the most challenging aspects of divorce is children - it's really challenging to be a good parent when you're in a lot of pain, but the kids need parents more during divorce than they do at other times."
As well as self-analysis, supportive literature and group therapy, focusing on gratitude is one of the biggest ways you can improve your life.
McWade says she still spends time every morning in self-reflection. "We never finish; if we're alive, we're not done," she says.
"I keep looking at my inventory and I focus on gratitude. I write five things I'm grateful for every day."
FACTBOX - TOOLS FOR THE JOURNEY
1. Exercise. Get outside, connect with nature and do a regular form of exercise that you enjoy. The endorphins produced in the body reduce depression.
2. Eat well. Strengthen yourself through a well-balanced diet. You'll feel better, have more energy and think more clearly.
3. Sleep. You need sleep to function properly. If you're having trouble sleeping, try listening to soothing music, read something spiritual or write a gratitude list to calm your mind.
4. Put aside time for daily reflection. Read uplifting material in the morning and keep a daily meditation book handy for quick boosts throughout the day. There are plenty to choose from.
5. Meditate. This can take many forms - yoga, walking outside, sitting still and listening to sounds of nature or to a meditation recording - and all help soothe frayed nerves.
6. Beware of depression. Periods of depression and anxiety are normal and part of the divorce process for a while, but be careful it doesn't affect your family, your job and your self-esteem. If you need help, seek professional therapy.
7. Touch. This is an important antidote to depression and loneliness, and most people have a lack of it when they are separated or divorcing. Hugs are usually readily available from friends and family. A professional massage can also work wonders.
8. Listen to upbeat music. Have upbeat tunes - or even recordings of inspirational and positive messages - ready at hand in your car, in the house and on your MP3 player for a quick pick-me-up.
9. Laugh. Watch a funny movie or a favourite comedy series.
10. Help others. This always makes us feel better about ourselves. Volunteering with children is particularly uplifting because they always operate in the present, and the present focus is good for us.
11. Don't lean on your children. While this can be tempting when they become our only source of companionship during a divorce, they are traumatised enough by their own fear and sorrows. Call a friend instead or seek out a group of peers who are experiencing similar difficulties.
12. Go Slow. Emotional separation from a partner takes time. Go easy on yourself and don't expect to make fast progress.
13. Be happy. Be conscious of the good things in your life and practise an attitude of gratitude. There are always things to be grateful for.
* Adapted from Getting Up, Getting Over, Getting On by Micki McWade.
By Caroline Berdon
